Look

How can I explain in a way that isn't an excuse?

Please, please, take me back. You're all I can think of. You're all I want to know.

I'm dying here. I'm dying here without you. It feels like death, at least.

Never before had I missed something I once had so much.

I'd never been this docile falling out of love.

I wish I'd never expected so much.

I wish I had never expected anything, sometimes.

I wish I had closed off my heart, before it ever had a chance to open.

---

It's been over, but would you have liked me to follow you more closely?

Or, would you have liked me to be less ill?

I was never ill to you, wasn't I?

Until, at some point, finally, I just was. Is that right?

... You will never see me, will you?

Your words ring in my head, "I can just chose not to look."